Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Walk-in Closets

We moved last weekend. We had an amazing amount of help and support from friends and ward members. I was so grateful for the help because I was not up to doing my share of the work after we got home from California. We have been so blessed with phone calls, visits, flowers, cards, delicious meals, and hours spent by our friends helping us move, pack, babysit, and clean. Thanks to all of you for your love and support.

Here are some pictures from our move. (I wish so badly that I had taken a picture of the 12 guys helping us pack our truck and unload it.)



The chaos of moving has provided me with enough distraction to keep me from considering how crappy it is that my mom isn't around anymore. There has been so much to do with unpacking boxes and dejunking and such that I've been successful at keeping my mind off her. I was actually starting to feel bad today that I hadn't cried in a couple of days. I am really enjoying our new home. We'll probably only be able to live here for a year as we plan to move next year for Bobby's 4th year rotations, and I'm sure it will be really hard to leave! My favorite features of the new house are the ice-maker in the freezer and the walk-in closet. I've always been bad at remembering to fill the ice trays. We have been up to our necks in boxes the last few days, but the house is finally starting to look livable as of today and thanks in large part to Bobby. I spent some time in our closet today hanging up clothes and I realized that our new closet reminds me a lot of the one my Mom had in the house I grew up in. When I was little, I'd sometimes hang out in there when she didn't know and look at her high school photo album or her jewelry or whatever. One time I read my grandma's journal (remember the one I told you about? My mom's mom who died when she was 54). In it she wrote about how much she loved it when my mom would come and bring me to visit. When we played hide-and-go-seek, one of my favorite hiding spots was in her closet. I'd climb behind her dresses and stand as straight and as flat against the wall as I could and I would stick my feet in her shoes and noone would ever find me! I unpacked some of the last few boxes with these memories as my companion this afternoon and now that we can see the floor and most of the boxes are broken down and out of the way, and the kitchen table is cleared off of all the nicnacs that were waiting for their new home, I feel the absence of clutter not only in my house but in my mind and that I'm not as distracted as I have been the last few days. I feel very aware of how much it stinks that I can't call her and tell her that Franny peed on the potty for the first time yesterday, and that this house has an ice-maker in the freezer, and about how ridiculous it is that my mom died when I was 29 just like hers did! I'm sure it will be only get harder for the next little bit as the list of things I want to call her about continues to grow. I had a good cry in the closet and I sat in the back behind my clothes with my back pressed against the wall like I did when I was a kid. The truth is I'm glad that I can feel the weight of this loss again. I think moments like that are important and healthy and I want to get started with the grieving process so I can keep going and be the best daughter, mother, wife, and sister that I can be. So here's to many more good cries in the walk-in-closet.

18 comments:

Jill said...

Before I say anything else....FRANNY PEED ON THE POTTY! That is huge Katherine, I am so proud of my cute little Franny! Well she is not really mine, but I like to claim her :)

I am sorry again about your mom, I just can't say it enough. Call me any time to talk, I would love it.

The Zickgraf Family Circus said...

Here, here. Enjoy those cries. Get it out. It's stifling if you can't...

Congrats on the icemaker and the potty feat! That's wonderful news!

Betsy said...

A walk in closet! Now that's an upgrade! You will have to teach Franny to hide just like you did...that is pretty clever!

And I cant believe Franny is starting to use the potty...what an exciting achievement!

Love you tons!I am here for you always.

The Richards in Canada said...

Hi Katherine,
We were so sad to hear about your mom. Beckie Codd was over last night and told us. It looks like your family has grown. I can't believe how big Francis is!

Mindy E said...

Katherine- I didn't know about your mom, I am so sorry for your loss. I am sharing your tears with you as I sit here and write this. I just got walk in closets when we moved in Dec and boy do I love them so much room to actually see what is in there.
I would love to get Franny and Mikaela together to play so you tell me when a good time is and let me know if you need anything.

hayley said...

Your girls are beautiful! I am in love with Franny's big brown eyes and long lashes. I don't think I can read your blog without crying! You are an amazing writer:) You grab my emotions. Just like your loud out-going laugh did (I love loud laughs; they make me laugh!)

Ashley said...

I miss you guys way too much right now. And it makes it even more poignant that you are going through this and I'm not a short drive away. I'm so sorry this happened. But yay! Time for Franny Panties!

J and H said...

I just found your blog off of Julie's blog. I cried as I read your eulogy for your mom. She was such a WONDERFUL woman. She was hands-down my favorite mom of all my friends and I felt like she was a second mom with all the wonderful advice and encouragement she gave me. Thank you for sharing her with me. Thank you for sharing her with my mom, she loved your mom so much. I just want your family to know how much I love you all and how much I love your mom. You have been in my thoughts every day. Let me know if I can do anything at all for you!

The Sandbergs said...

You have been in my thoughts as well Katherine. I am sad to hear about your terrible loss. I'm praying for you every day and hope you will find comfort during this very difficult time. Hugs to you!

Jordan said...

You are so wise, Katherine. This is what I thought after I read this. I think your "moving distraction" was timely and so, now is this "absence of clutter" to allow for some healthy crying. Man, I wish we were closer so I could pop over and we could whip up something yum together.

Julia said...

Geez Kath, my mascara is everywhere now!

Sorry again for your loss.

Congrats on the upgrade to the ice maker and walk in closet.

Missing your face.

janlee said...

oh wow! you are pretty amazing! i need your new address! i have missed a lot. great posts! you should write a book. i love reading about all your family interactions. this is on a slightly more insignifacant scale...but i found my dad's old journal that he had written in. he had me and jen's personalities pegged from when we were toddlers. he also wrote about how proud he was of his newborn son, michael, (who now has schizophrenia) and all the endearing things he wrote about him. that made me cry. i love going back in time and looking at old picutres or reading journals. it is great insight and so comforting at times.

Jodie said...

I know that closets are a great place to cry but if you ever need another place, my kitchen table is good too. I am here if you need me!! Heck- with everything going on around here right now, it would do me good to cry too :) I am so excited for Franny!! That is great!! I can't wait to hear all about it!

Chrissy said...

I'm so glad you guys liked the tabbouleh! And I love that Franny peed in the potty! But I'm so sad you don't have your mom with you. Life is difficult, and I don't understand what you're going through because I haven't been there yet, but I can imagine...and it stinks. You are great people. I admire you.

Katherine said...

Chrissy, your tabbouleh was the bomb! (as my little sister Maggie would say.)

Katherine said...

See I told you so Maggie. It is "the bomb"

DAD

Jonathan said...

You are my hero Katherine! I agree you should write a book, or even compile and print the thoughts you regularly record. They are inspiring, real, hopeful, and touch my heart every time.

I am SO happy for you and Franny! Princess Panty time!
Can you email your new contact info?
I did have to laugh at hiding in the closet. I used to look at my mom's stuff (particularly pictures and jewelry). I also did this while "dusting" in her room. The inside of her drawers needed dust inspection too, right?! ;) I wasn't smart enough to put my feet in her shoes while hiding though! Thanks for the tip! ;)

Ashlie & Jonathan said...

Ok, I don't know why my last post went under Jonathan's name. Hm. It was really from me!
-Ashlie =)

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